What do you get when you have two overtired kids? Bickering, yelling, and whining.
You know what you do not get? Any work done.
Today has been filled with refereeing between the two prize fighters.
If they were boxers or even WWE wreastlers today’s events may be summed up like this…
Announcer: (Sitting at a table next to the ring. If you are like me, you are imagining a big old fashioned microphone that he is talking into)
If you missed it, it has been an exciting day of fights.
Rules have been broken.
Tears have shed.
Before I give you a run down of what happened, let’s review the established rules for fighting in this league…
1. If someone asks you for something then you can reasonably answer their request. If needed, the referee may institute a time limit and mediate in the transferal of the item.
2. If any persons say to stop, then the other must do so. If this rule is broken, the referee may remind fighters of this rule.
3. No touching each other with the intent to “hurt” them or reinforce a point. Grabbing, hitting, and throwing items is against the rules in this arena and the fighter will have to face the referee.
4. All verbal interactions must be presented using an indoor voice and must be understandable by opponent and referee. All yelling and whining will be redirected by referee.
(imagine the fighters faces flashed on to the screen.
Today’s fights were between two of our best fighters…
The Girl, AKA “The Boss of the Highway”
It is her way or the highway! She is best known for playing nicely then catching you below the belt by making her objections known in the loudest and most melodramatic way. Also, known for quick grabs and giving denials to having taken any item in question. Her secret weapon… Getting upset when resolutions are not what she intended and calling the match “unfair”.
Let’s review her moves from today’s match…
Me: Why did you grab him?
The Boss: He was bothering me.
Mr. Sensitive: I just want to play with her.
The Boss: See!! (screaming) Just leave me alone!! I don’t want to play with you! I want to play by myself.
Mr. Sensitve: (Crying) I just want someone to play with.
Me: Okay, I can play something with you.
The Boss: What?!? That is not fair. You love him more.
The Boy, AKA “Mr. Sensitive”
He is known for his smothering moves, these can be ear-splitting whines when his opponent takes water breaks or chooses not to fight. He also can hit below the belt by confusing you by calling you mean or unfair, this often is a way to win a fight by leading is opponent into breaking the rules. He prefers to home advantage, but tends to up his game when fights are moved from home into community arenas. His secret weapon… repeating legal moves like blocks and other verbal interactions in a manner that just crosses the line, then finding a way to blame it on his opponent for doing it in the first place
Let’s review his sweet moves from today’s action-packed feature fight.
Mr. Sensitive: (Whining after The Boss took toy he was playing with and threw it in the lego bin) Why did you do that?
The Boss: I was just cleaning up.
Mr. Sensitive: IT Broke and I don’t know where the instructions are. (Crying) You should not have done that.
The Boss: I told you that we weren’t going to play with that now.
Mr. Sensitive: (screaming) Well you did not have to throw it! (proceeds to throw her little smurf figurine at her and it hits her).
Me: That was not nice. We play with the toys. You could have hurt her.
Mr. Sensitive: (crying) She put my transformer away and it broke! She is so mean.
The Boss: (grabs his arm and screams ) I am not mean!
Unfortunately, the rest of today’s fights have been suspended due to the amount of rules being broken during each fight. The referee stated that she was tired due to excessive referring of below the belt maneuvers by the fighters. The fighters have been sent to their separate corners to rethink the rules and so their mommy can do a bit of laundry. The grocery store has been postponed until the fighters have calmed down and are will to play nicely and fighters can resume the agreed upon brother/sister bickering rules and procedures.
Our regularly scheduled program “dinner” may be airing a bit late tonight. Stay tuned for further updates on our regularly scheduled events.